I'm going to do this with paul someday.

Ask and you shall receive

This is why I love Toppers. I asked them to draw on my box.

Newlyweds and Scared Shitless: Edition 1

Wait, we are going to have kids someday?!

It's not like it was ever out of the question.  But sitting with our good friend Mike and listening to him talk about his twins, it really hit home.  They are five years old, a boy and girl.  His son is the spitting image of his father.  The cute blue eyes and blonde hair. Funny how kids look so innocent.

His son, who shares his namesake, was in the kitchen playing with the magnetic letters on the fridge.  Mike started talking in this almost stand-up comic rant about the joys and downfalls of children.  

"Enjoy what you have now.  There will come a time where you will buy into all the portable DVD players, toys, and other distractions so you can simply pinch a loaf in the bathroom alone.  Otherwise they stand there just asking you questions and touching you with their sticky hands--always with the sticky hands."

I sat on the couch laughing my ass off.  After his son came into to the room to tell us he spelled the word "venus" with an "i", I looked at Paul and it all hit me at once... we were going to have one of those someday.  We are going to have a combination of my weirdly creative brain and his stubbornness.  A miniature creature who will refuse to pick up his dirty socks, who will be smarter than we are, and who we are responsible to keep alive.

On that note, I informed Paul of my A-ha! moment.  He just kept laughing.  I tried to take a queue from him and laugh as Mike continued.

"...and I swear to God all that they try to do is invent new ways to kill themselves.  Every household object becomes a weapon or swift tool of doom.  'How the hell did you poke your eye out with a pillow?!'  or 'I literally turned my back for 15 seconds and you're wondering what it's like to throw yourself down the stairs!' Just know that it will be their mission early in life to invent new ways of killing themselves."

I cringed.  I am so lazy.  I would have to make sure that this thing didn't die.  It seems like an easy task but then I realized that I'd have to follow it around constantly making sure it wasn't drinking Drain-O or think they can actually fly.  Seriously, I am the type of person who will wear her hair in a ponytail to get that extra 5 minutes of sleep and skip the shower.  I got a little freaked out at the thought of not being able to half-ass parent.

"And forget about anything in your house you hold dear or have spent more than 10.00 on. They will make it their mission to destroy everything you love or hold dear." 

I started scanning around my apartment.  My collection of Star Wars collectibles, my antique mantle clock, my Windex-clean windows--free of fingerprints and smudges, and then down at the cat's automatic filtering water bowl... that Mike Jr. was hovering over.  Then yep, you guessed it, stuck his tongue in the cool stream of water.  I hushed the guys and made them look.  I laughed so hard that I needed to stop and breathe.

I started to realize that having kids, though it involves great responsibility, needs to be done with a sense of humor in mind.  Paul and I looked at each other.  We know that we will have the kid that drinks out of the cat bowl, or poops in the display toilet at Menards, or picks up the piece of dog crap off the neighbors yard to show us.  

It used to freak us out a lot more, but at least we know that we are not alone.  We still aren't ready for kids, but as Mike put it, "You're never actually ready for children. Just, one day, there they are."  

Rolling with the punches. My parent's somehow raised me.  I wonder about all the stupid things I did as a kid.  There was the time I tried to water the shrubs along the driveway with dad's watering can--the red container with yellow spout that specifically holds gasoline.  God only knows what things Paul did as a kid... 

I think that we are as ready as we'll ever be...

"When it comes down to it, nothing is more awesome than having a kid.  They change your world forever, whether you are ready or not.  It is life-changing, but totally worth it."