What the hell is a budget?!
So I can't say that saving money is my forté. I've got less than most consumers when it comes to credit card debt. I don't exactly know what a savings account is. Let's be honest, I live hand-to-mouth. When I met Paul I had always told myself I would be with someone who is more fiscally responsible than me. I ended up with the blind leading the blind.
We did budget, if by budgeting you mean a triage of what absolutely needs to get paid or we'll be in bigger trouble. This was done every paycheck. However, it didn't provide any relief. The only satisfaction I ever really had was knowing that I had a roof over my head and that I was doing the best I could. The worst part is that we sort of pissed away any dime that was left and pushed the balance in our checking account down to the dollar.
I think that the apex of our fiscal interactions with each other turned nasty when we went through the drive-thru at Hardee's. Our debit card was declined for a 13.00 purchase. I looked at him and asked him what the hell he'd spent our money on. This escalated into a argument about how he has to be more responsible and how embarrassing it is to have a card rejected. We decided to take a long drive down a country road to have a little privacy and calm time to discuss this.
However, the rational talking didn't start until I grabbed the debit card and crumpled/cracked it into several pieces and said, "Now you can go to the bank like a normal person and get money!" I know what you're thinking, classy... I instantly regretted that as I was tossing the shards of our ONE and ONLY debit card into the backseat. I knew I had finally hit a point where it should never come to again.
After my little incident, we kept driving and starting discussing how we really need to sit down and make a real budget. We were both making enough that it shouldn't come down to the last dime in our checking account. I told him about the humiliation of gathering a whole cart full of groceries and having the card decline. I told him that it really bothers me and I don't want to worry about things like that. Once we started an open dialogue, wonderful things started happening... We agreed with each other!
We decided to sit down and make a serious budget. We looked at all our outstanding debt, bills owed, monthly expenses, and how much we ate out a month--omg shocking! We found that we could actually set aside some in savings, budget for fun money, and still pay off our debt. Being completely honest about our goals and what we needed to do is one thing, sticking to it will be yet to be determined.
For now, we are doing pretty well. We've paid down debts and have been working on getting those pesky collection notices to go away. Once we tackled those, we can start setting aside more money into savings. Nothing is currently in savings, but knowing that it can exist has alleviated so much stress in our relationship. We are not accountable to each other for our purchases. We also agreed that before any major purchase can be made, we consult each other. Twenty dollars here and there one purchase at a time can REALLY add up to a lot at the end of the month.
Also, this venture in fiscal responsibility has made it possible for us to look for new apartments because we know what we can afford. It's made making a grocery list easier, and healthier, by cutting down on things that we just don't eat/use. It's not been an easy road... there have been many a rolled eye and little spats here and there. But the one thing that has been paramount for us is acting as a unit. We are a team. And we have started to figure out something that can either make or break couples.
Now here's the kicker... remember how our debit card was declined? Yeah, I had to eat crow. When we got back home and checked the balance in our account online, there were 20.00+ in magazine subscription renewals. The best part about my loving partner? He laughed with me when we discovered it was my fault. He laughed with me. It made it easier to laugh at myself.
We are still a ways off from being financially stable, but we have the groundwork down and agreement that we are in this together. We both realize that we cannot be each others enemies. We are a team.
We may be young-in-love newlyweds, but we at least are realistic. Marriage won't be easy, because life is not easy. But if you have someone you can share the load with, do everything you can for them.
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